I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
