why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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