Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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