we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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