I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
