oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
