i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
