It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
