Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
