I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
