i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
