So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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