I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
