There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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