Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
