I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
