Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
