I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
