Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
