I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
