I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
