Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
