she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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