um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize