Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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