Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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