Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize