So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
