Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Randomize
