I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
