Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
