Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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