I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
