as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
