I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
