I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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