she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
