New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize