I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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