she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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