I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize