The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
