It's Friday. Sex?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize