Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
