I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
wow bdsm is so cute
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
