The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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