I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you had me at cake vodka
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
