carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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