Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize