So drunk its hurt
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
