Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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