just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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