I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
