mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have aggressive nipples.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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