so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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