What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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