i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize