So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
