It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
