Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
