hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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