I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
