We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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