U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
