We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
