think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
