remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
