I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
God, I missed his penis.
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