The police scanner is talking about you again....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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