You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
