Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I looked at my own cervix.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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