just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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